Alec Benjamin – Let Me Down ft. Alessia Cara

Rita Ora – Only Want You

Once you’ve loved, you can’t go back and erase it. Places, people, things won’t come close to the ideal that your heart has made in your head. You can’t accommodate every other human being where your love once was in all of their grandiosity.

Love, leaves its mark and no detergent or time can erase it. Once you’re in love with someone, you’re always going to love them. The intensity might weaken over the years if it was just a fling.

But true connections of the heart only deepen with time instead of fading away.

Kill Paris – Made of Time

And after all that’s said and done, true love is the silent whisper in your ear that tells you that you don’t have to face the harm alone. Even if it seems for a while that it’s gone, true love has a habit of coming back.

Forever, maybe

What do you feel
In that moment when you step into the rain
Look across the street and don’t find my arms waving?

I wonder what goes through your mind
When your purse your lips as if they’re chapped
When my name surrounds you.

I see you walk through the crowd
Sifting through the sea of people
Like grains of sand in an hourglass
And land on a quiet space,
Where the light bulb flickers above you

You’ve started smoking, I see
And you’ve got sweat on your brow too
Is it too late for you to retrace your steps towards me?

I don’t see a handkerchief in your pocket
I remember putting one there daily
And what about the meals that I used to cook?
I see, you buy them now

Too many hands ticktocking away
I see you’re still working late here
Do you have no one to go back home to?
Or are you afraid that the only things you’ll see
All belong to me?

The clock chimes 12 as you flip the lights off
You step on to the pavement and it rains
There’s no use lighting up the cigarette now
Your umbrella is still inside your study
Beside the picture of us, our rings
And the wedding vows

So, tell me,
Who do you think of when you step into the rain and you don’t see my hands waving back at you?

© 2018

Little baby Oliver

It seems that my birth month is full of hurdles and I wonder what does fate has in store for me. I’ve lost too many people this year.

Here’s a list:

1. Gabs, my cat
2. All of my best friends, disloyal assholes
3. Oliver, my baby sparrow
4. My job, for a few months

Before I come towards my blessings, which are plenty, these are major blows to any person. But couple it with a dying pet and the entire world seems like a dead planet and a voice inside simply wants you to give up!

I’m just sad. My sparrow died last night and I am unable to process it. Grief comes in all sorts of ways but instead of getting lost in the tide it’s always better to remind yourself that there’s a lesson in the process. There’s always a lesson that follows the loss of something close to your heart. Sometimes it teaches you how to let go, to open your heart more, to love unconditionally and to never take things for granted. The time you have now will pass, make sure it is something you cherish more than reminiscing about it in regret. ♥️

Still

I wish I can let you flow through my fingers
Like grains of sand from the hourglass of my life
That you mercilessly smashed on the floor
I wish I could squeeze you with my arms
To give a sense of how weak I am without you
Just like you squeezed the life out of me when you left
Gently and then all at once, I still miss you.

April and then July again

The way you left
Makes me think of the times
When you said ‘I Love You’
And realize that you lied

The way you held my hand
When I was freezing cold
Made me belive how warm
Your presence felt in my life

The way you said
It’s time to move on
Saddened me to see how
Unafraid you were to lose me

And the way you ignored me
Leaving me unheard and unseen
Made me realize that I was
Only a toy for you to play with

It was April
And then July again
Next came October
But now it’s finally May

© 2017

Across the universe

If I love you it means I am telling you that I accept you with all the type of shit that you are, shit that you hide from me and shit that you’ve done. So when I love you it’s a guarantee that I will stand by you.

But when you decide to clean the blade before stabbing me in the back, think again. You will never find anyone who can love you for both the good and bad that’s inside you, that’s inside me and that is inside every one of us.

I don’t love people every other day and I can count on my fingertips the names of those who hold my heart.

Don’t make me shut you out for good.

© 2017

And when all’s said and done

“You cannot go around in grief and panic every day; people will not let you, they will coax you with tea and tell you to move on, bake cakes and paint walls. You can hardly blame them; after all, we learned long ago that the world would fall apart and the cities would be left to the animals and the clambering vines if grief, like a mad king, were allowed to ascend the throne. So what you do is you let them coax you. You bake the cake and paint the wall and smile; you buy a new freezer as if you now had a plan for the future. And secretly–in the early morning–you sew a pocket in your skin. At the hollow of your throat. So that every time you smile, or nod your head at a teacher meeting, or bend over to pick up a fallen spoon, it presses and pricks and stings and you know you’ve not moved on. You never even planned to.”

But you never came

How does it feel to know that the person you love doesn’t love you back? The person who made so many promises to you will now make them to somebody else? How does it feel to hear that you’re no longer welcome in the life of a person who holds so much importance in yours?

What else would you do when someone tells you that they’re better off without you? I know you’d want to beg and explain and tell them how much you love them? You feel angry at them for failing to see the purity of your feelings and the goodness of your heart.

But do you think they’d ever feel that way if they could see themselves through your eyes?

You’re left standing, biting your own tongue, trying to shake off the embarrassment of being shut down when you mustered all the courage in an act of bravery and spoke to the person who meant the world to you.

‘Never give up on love!’ You’ve heard old folks say this quite a lot. But what do you do when that person cannot realize what’s in front of them and treat you like a lump of coal.? And the only things you ever see in their eyes are stars and entire galaxies!