A eulogy for humanity

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Water is life and yet you consumed
Pilferred polluted wasted it away
I wept for every oil spill every toxic dump
Every wave of sewage left me undone

Your paper plates and plastic knives
Have left me scarred and barren
My children are naked, hungry and alone
You took their shelter whilst I gave you home

Then you forced yourself on me
With bulldozers and tractors
And powerdrills and warhammers
How could I think I was safe with you
You’re the ones who defile your own fertile

The age of industrialization you often claim
Batteries, napalms, aeroplanes
So many killed without taking an aim
The enlightenment of human civilization
What a delightful conundrum, the wonders of creation
With smoke and smog and choking hazards
Your cards are finally on the table

I wept and begged but you ne’er heard
Ravaged every thrush, deer and songbird
Til I realized my children you’re not
Scoundrels, wretched warmongers in the lot

It’s time you witness the grandeur of your doom
I’ll breathe fire lets light up the fumes
Your fragile lungs are glass, oh! dear
Let me huff and puff a little bit of air

Sit back rejoice your end is nigh
I’ll make sure you suffer before you die
You’ll wish you could breathe the air you pollute
I concur, it’s all done, now your story concludes

© 2020

How do you heal a broken heart?

How do you heal a broken heart? Roses, chocolates, warm hugs and cute gifts
Lose meaning, like embers turned to dust

How do you heal a tainted vow
With more lies to remind you
Of how small you though of me
To make a fool out of me

How do you sleep at night
Knowing that all this time
Nothing was ever real

How does one move on?
When every breath reminds me of you
When my heart beats for you
When bones ache in silence
When every night is another day where I’m defeated
Where your words turn to lies
Where my doubts reflect my sanity
And my gut tells me told you so.

Where are you?
Who found me perfect
Who missed my embrace
Who longed to hear my voice
And tell me all about your day

Who are you?
Who am I?
What is this?
Why does it hurt?

© 2018

The fair sex

I’m just like you, I’ve got the same bones
Except the ribs, my skeleton fits
In the same closet you hide from the light
Afraid, ashamed, disgraced, diseased

I wear the skin in shades of you
But all you seem to care about is
‘How white I do?’
Here’s a fact check, Mr. Jock with a crotch

White isn’t the absence of color
But an amalgamation of forever
That you and your privilege wipes away
With law and police and pointed hats

I’m the flesh that you build with steel
Instead of books you get protein meals
Add more guns for some coke and cash
While your flesh dangles below trash

You find me sexist? Oh! How rude!
But call me a slut, maybe a whore, dude
Then your eyes rest on my flesh tomb
And my worth reduces to your fishbone

I spend years working more than two jobs
Then raise kids while you prance with the death mob
I pull all nighters with my thinking cap on
So that you don’t get to con my graduation song

Tits, boobs, headlights and booze
Your dad loves mom, the bat swings lose
Just like you strip women of their dignity
Judge her on a cigarette who needs ability
And the amount of fat she’s got on her ass

You think I’m a woman, so I’m bound to get fucked?
From you, and bills, and your friends over the hill
Boy, you need to see with your eyes closed
Humanity prevails where my mascara flows

I wish you have a daughter so she could know
The respect you don’t give to women, the respect you owe
She’s a mother, she’s a daughter, to hell with this crap
She’s a person like any other, let’s just respect that.
.
.
.
This entire ordeal with Brett Kavanaugh has left me outraged and utterly disgusted. I hope you raise your children right so when they need thighs and breasts they’ll go to KFC instead of raping a woman’s body!

© 2018

Orange

Human, walking away
Have you not heard of love
Like I have felt for you
Do you not know the meaning
Of loyalty or devotion
Or is it just that your kind
Was never meant to be trusted

Human, weak of heart
Have you forgotten when you planted me
When I was but a little seed
I slept until you came to feed
6, 9, 12, 3, the cycle repeats
The cycle forgets

Human, frail and weak
Do you not see, the first leaf
The first smile, the first gasp
The first gone and flower to show
So you broke my heart
With a flower she could throw
Into dust and trample onwards
She never looked back
Poor human, I saw your broken heart
What a disgrace…

Human, young with a broken heart
I listened to your songs for thy lover’s heart
And I spread my branches all around
My foliage was your armour until you were sound
I called my friends, sparrows and thrushes
And songbirds and gales till your feet touches
A fallen fruit from my bare birches

Human, strong with a hardened heart
You took a blade and cut my bark
Carved your name with the selfish dame
But forgot mine for time to tell
Summer was gone and so were you
You loved beauty in your blues
But all I had were orange hues

Human, old and dying beneath
Tell me was it worth to lose and weep
To chase and run for pelf and fame
Her love stays rotten under your name
You gave me home when I had none
Your bones are charred, your blade numb
Your voice is cracking, your time is done

Human, gone but never forgotten
Lies beneath my feet in the dirt coffin
Unknown to the world but loved by one
The little seedling he saved from the winter’s burn
And so I bend a little low
Till my branches cover over you
And heaps of garlands fall beneath
I weep for a human’s fragility
A glistening periwinkle shines bright
Pitch black, swirling, freezing on sight

Human, gone. Tree, going
The last leaf remembers falling
The birds are gone and the branches bare
Sprinkling fairy dust, winter is here

© 2018

Play me like a violin

I still remember when you said you were lucky to have me in your life.
And when you said you loved me and you want nothing else but me.
Or when you said that you were afraid of losing me.
Or that you would never hurt me.
It’s not funny at all when you did
Hurt me every possible way you could
Try to remove me, unlove me, delete me
Block me, kill me, unravel me, throw me
Break me apart like I was this stain
That wouldn’t get off from your skin
Like a shame that you just couldn’t stand
But, hey, you were a pretty boy
With eyes like charcoals cause when they
Burnt they left holes onto my skin
And when it rained it poured and your arms
Provided me shelter for a while
Until it was time for you to punish me again
But even after all that you said and did
And got over with and ran
I’m stuck on the side
Baby, I’ve been here a while
Cause I love you still and you can tell
That I can’t pretend to sell hearts for show
Man, I was your friend, your bud for life
And you threw me off the track
On this roller coaster ride.

Erased

I wake up with a blur of hues
Orange brown grey and blues
There are silhouettes and shadows
Loud voices and noises and distant echoes
I close my eyes and sleep again
I’m partially numb without much pain
‘Four days you’ve been down’
They tell me next
‘We thought you were gone’
Finally put to rest
I notice the scar on my chest
Wire, gauze and bloody mess
‘It’s going to stay but it won’t hurt’
The wound will heal but the mark won’t go
It’s ten days now, I breathe just fine
This heart is new but you won’t go
And you won’t come and help me heal
I’m stuck in rewind on the winter’s reel
Why treat me like shit and cheat on me
And break my heart into smithereens?
Why lie to me and pretend that you care
When all this time you were never here.

© 2018

Home

How can I define this feeling?

Of warmth and unconditional love

My life has blessed me with people that

Embrace me and I’m at home.

The Undying Heart

There’s a rhythm to the sound of your name
That leaves me spellbound
I’ve got new blood flowing in my veins
But my heart flutters at your sight
And every time I close my eyes
I’m wrapped in your warm embrace
As the traffic flows beneath my feet

I feel like Lazarus
And death is an old comrade
I’ve woken up in this strange land
Where the names that sound like you
Are never the same
Where your thoughts keep me safe
From this broken world
And the moon reminds me
of your undying love
Where the scent of your skin
is the only perfume I wear
And the light in your eyes
drives away my fears

I promised you before
And in this new life again
My heart belongs to you, my love
In sickness, in suffering, in health and pain
My loyalty towards you will forever remain

© 2018

Still

I wish I can let you flow through my fingers
Like grains of sand from the hourglass of my life
That you mercilessly smashed on the floor
I wish I could squeeze you with my arms
To give a sense of how weak I am without you
Just like you squeezed the life out of me when you left
Gently and then all at once, I still miss you.

365 Days of Sobriety

I feel weak today
Just like I always feel
Every night when I turn out the lights
My facade of strength fades
I see myself crumble
And the voices in my head
They ask me about my day

I went to college today
The headmaster asked me
“What did you do to yourself?”
I wanted to tell him that this wasn’t me
It’s what they did to me
But just like always
I excused and took a trip back home
Another six months wasted

I drove out to the sea
The same place I kissed four years ago
The same place I sat
Ate my pizza and scribbled on the sand
The same place I watched the waves sweep me from the shore
The same place that I now cry myself alone

I saw the kids laughing and messing around
The same way like I used to be
I missed my friends
The ones I destroyed
And those who destroyed me

I came back home
The emptiness awaits
No potato chips or tea could sate me
I try to divert my mind
And I’m talking to you right now

You told me once, didn’t you
That I could always come by to your place
When the skin on my hand feel so smooth
Can you hear the blade, inside my drawer, calling?
But I can’t come to you, I’m not allowed

I tried the second solution you gave me
Went out for a walk
In the middle of the night,
The pawn shop made me miss you again
365 days of being sober multiplied by 3
I tried to make a broken ring of smoke

The walk didn’t serve me well too
And Fred’s got enough on his head
Tonight after 365 days of being sober
No butterflies or glitter
Or hope in a false God
Or the promise of your name
Can wipe the scars from my hand!

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I wrote this poem in 2015 and somehow it got lost in my pile of papers and random handwritten notes. Luckily, I found a copy of it in my drafts on Google Drive.