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To Hamza, with love

Sometimes, there are people in life one can never live without. We call them best friends, siblings, brother from another mother, sister before mister. These are the people that bring out the best in us because they have seen the worst in us first. People, who don’t shy away from the darkness inside us, know that we are fallible humans, full of errors. We are unwise in our decisions and blinded by desire, we misinterpret things and always regret not saying the right thing at the right moment, or holding back and lamenting at lost opportunities.

But people are people. Mysterious and fragile. They come with an expiry date. Nobody lasts forever. That’s the biggest lie we find ourselves living in. Movies, TV shows, songs, they go on and on and on about being together forever, when in truth, death is still a part of life which is the glue for togetherness.

Life goes on. Pretty cliche, but of course, we never pause to reflect that the life that goes on every day is never the same without a friend, a parent who recently passed away, or a relative battling terminal illness. The only thing capable of transcendence is love. For true love, as pure as the first drop of rain falling from the sky that glistens like a tiny peridot crystal, survives time – and death.

When love is pure, it is forgiving, kind, empathetic, empowering and nurturing. And hence, love is eternal.

#MeToo

He said, “This is what love is!”
The fingers tattooed across my throat proved otherwise.
She wrote on the mirror, ‘Mommy loves you.’
The nights I slept on an empty stomach said something different.
My friends said they’ll always have my back
Public humiliation proved they never did.
People say family matters the most
Sleeping on a park bench in December changed my mind.

© 2018

Black Forest or Chocolate Marble

You will always be the first girl who loved me to the point of spoiling me. You were literally a girl, despite myself being a toddler you were hardly twenty-five. You were the reason I started taking interest in art with all the colouring books that you got me.

You were my first teacher to make me practice a hundred math problems on flour bags, daily! The best patissier every evening making cherry tarts for me along with my favourite egg sandwich, the best baker asking me if I’d want a black forest cake or a chocolate marble cake for my birthday at the age when there was no internet and I had only my imagination to think what either of them would look like.

You were my greatest playmate, teaching me how to make words in Scrabble and crossword, letting me learn the ins and outs of checkers and chess, building me a swing out of an old tire and attaching training wheels on my higher than a horse bicycle

You were the greatest entertainer ever, from stage dramas to TV series – from Moonlighting to Knightrider.

From V to McGuyer.

From Rags to Riches, to Some Mothers Do Have Them.

from dancing to Beat It till memorizing the opening theme of Ninja Robots, making sure that I got the correct lyrics every time and then waking me up to see Wizard of Oz past my bedtime, you made sure I was never unaware of the best.

Everything that I wanted to be a part of you made sure I was. All the clothes you sew for me to the birthday gifts and cards you gave me to the cakes you baked for me to the books you brought me and even after growing up – for all the times when I fell sick and you nurtured me. Never for once did I ever feel that there have been years of difference between our ages. You were the person I’d really call my best friend. You always knew what was inside my heart before I spoke out loud.

I don’t know if I will ever be the same without you. I love you to bits and pieces or perhaps even more. You are a person I carry along with me. And I can never thank you enough for having so much faith in me.  


To my aunt who passed away last year!

Melancholy in May

Summer is never easy. It never has been. For once, it holds an account of all the tough things that I had to go through, and all the triumphs I embraced. It’s like an old ledger book, full of investments and losses entering into debt and eventually bankruptcy. So, sad, you’d think. Some of you might often refuse to read on further, saying, oh his posts are always sad and gloomy.

I can’t help the greyscale. I’ve got a plentitude of greys and a few colored crayons. Most of which are broken, so I’m saving the last bits for a time where I won’t regret sharing them with someone in hopes that they will lessen the greyness.

Back in 2012, I had got my first official job as a Trainee Avionics Engineer. Won’t deny the fact that it was perhaps the best rookie experience a newbie could ever have!

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Fast forward to three years, my first book was published and got a breathtaking number of positive reviews. I was really reluctant and unwilling to share it with so many people, partly because it is so close to my heart. All the readers visiting my blog will get a free Kindle edition of it on 22nd June, just one month before my new novel is out!

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The Pinnacle of Deception, White Lies

One of my classmates, Messum, sent me this picture from Australia!

And just a year ago, my best friend’s father went through a brain surgery that kept me wide awake at nights, praying for his longevity and strength and I smile with joy seeing the man healthy, happy, smiling and recovering. It was one of the most difficult times I’ve tried swimming through uncharted waters!

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May, then followed with a tumultuous rain of melancholy with occasional outbursts of happiness in the form of my sister forcing me to visit her on the weekends!

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From right: My sister, me and my bestie, Farhan.

May hasn’t been easy this year, but I hope it will slither along the way and all this sadness will one day make sense. Soon!